Harmonizing the masculine and feminine within

Banyan tree roots

As I have been dating, I’ve noticed frustration within myself whenever connection with a man hasn’t deepened beyond texting or sexual fantasy. I had been taking it personally whenever I was interacting with a man who wasn’t deepening with me to the next level of communication and emotional intimacy. Ruminating on this subject during my morning jog (10 miles, so I had plenty of time to think), I realized that I was making some big assumptions:

  • Men provide strength, stability, and a strong container for a relationship.
  • Men can deepen into emotional intimacy and communication.
  • As a woman, I need a man for safety and security.

These thoughts were swimming around in my head alongside the knowledge from my spiritual training that masculine and feminine energies live inside each of us: whether our bodies are male or female. Many people in our society have a greater predominance of masculine energy and reflect that by being more goal-driven, being focused externally for gratification, and being linear in thinking (point A to point B is a straight line). When I feel into masculine energy, it is about looking for what you want (money, material possessions, career goals, an attractive date with a hot body), planning a strategy for possessing/achieving what you want, and then taking actions to make it happen. When perceived through a certain lens, this masculine energy looks like strength because it has clarity, focus, determination, will-power, and muscle. The problem is, all this effort to achieve and possess requires a source of energy.

At this point I saw an image and I understood exactly what Spirit was telling me. It’s a paradigm shift to the way I have been thinking about masculine and feminine. The image I saw was a tree reaching high into the sky with branches stretching in every direction. I knew this was the masculine energy reaching to attain fulfillment, seeking to grow and achieve and conquer. When I looked to the base of the tree, however, I saw that it did not have a strong rooted foundation; instead of roots sinking deep into the ground, there were vines reaching out across the forest floor at the surface of being. These vines were seeking fuel for the tree’s growth, and were finding a lot of competition for those shallow resources as they pushed their way outwards, twisting around other vines to constrict them, killing whatever was standing in the way of that much-needed fuel.

It was then I realized why our society is distracted, competitive, non-engaging, self-centered, materialistic, anxiety-ridden, drugged up, and desperate—the masculine has cut himself off from the feminine and is starving without her energy. He is caught in a never-ending loop of lack, craving more intense experiences to satiate an insatiable hunger for meaning and connection and purpose. He stimulates himself endlessly to get the kick and charge needed to keep fighting his way towards his goals, filling the body with adrenalin and cortisol so he can feel death at his heels as he runs from it.  He is afraid of the darkness at the center of being, he is afraid of silence and opening to listening, he is afraid to stop the madness.

The masculine cannot flourish without the feminine, for it is the feminine who provides deep roots into the darkness and mystery of the soul, into the place the masculine is afraid to venture because the seat of the soul is timeless, meandering, unpredictable, unconcerned with your wants, full of wisdom but without immediate answers. The soul is relentless in its demand that you stop fooling yourself, take off your masks and facades, face yourself in the mirror and come back to integrity. The feminine knows that true strength is diving into the shadows, actively seeking awareness of the places that are wounded, and bringing those ‘weaknesses’ into the full light of day. By claiming rather than hiding her faults, the feminine knows she transforms ‘weakness’ into impenetrable strength.

The feminine journey is one of faith that if she dives deep enough, she will find nourishment from within. And indeed, what the feminine discovers inside her darkness is an infinite lake of abundance from the Source. Once tapped into, this inner abundance bubbles up inside her and shines out through her eyes, reminding every person who sees her light that we are One being, and in oneness there is no need for the melee of lack. The rewards of the dark journey of the feminine are vast, profound, and worth every tear. The feminine with her deep roots is what provides the strong foundation for the masculine to reach and grow…just like the Pachamama (Mother Earth) nourishes every living creature on this planet to grow, the feminine allows the Source to flow through her to nurture the masculine in his expansion.

When the masculine is fueled by the Source through connection and integration with the feminine, the result is a desire to share abundance through the interconnected web of the masculine vines, rather than try to take from it for personal (separate) gain. With the feminine informing the masculine, the integrated person knows that everyone you meet is family, and there is a desire to help the entire organism (Earth) to prosper. When the masculine and feminine are united within each person on Earth, we will no longer need money, possessions, violence, or war. We will no longer pillage the Earth for its resources without regard for the entire planet.

Taking it back to the male to female relationship, a microcosm of the overall Earth struggle, when I meet a man who has integrated his masculine and feminine aspects, I believe I will experience someone who values deep connection over material wealth or the distraction of mindless entertainment. He will be willing to explore shadows with consciousness because he has already opened to his own fears and insecurities and claimed them as strengths. Together, we will experience the support you might find by gently resting into a tree.

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