Divine inspiration and the ego

image-44For the last three years I have been in the process of metamorphosis from an existence where no matter how I tried to be happy I suffered, to an existence where my daily experience of life is contentedness and peace–because I choose to make it so.

I have undergone an entire shift in paradigm, a shift that I was not able to accomplish in nearly 25 years of psychotherapy. But in three years, I changed completely. People around me watched it happen in amazement.

So how did I accomplish this incredible transformation? Powerful healing modalities, determination, a willingness to question my thoughts and assumptions, and lots of help from supportive communities. I published a book that documents the intricacies of my transformation in real time; I wrote about my experiences as I shifted with the goal that at the end of the process, when I made it to the other side, I would have a map for others to follow. All of my process was inspired by the divine; I know this now through and through.

So when inspiration washed through me again and I produced all the illustrations for the book, designed the cover, converted the book to HTML, and prepared the ebook for publishing in only one week—how did I respond to the imminent unveiling of the deepest, most vulnerable aspects of my personal journey? For a moment, I shrank from the task. I questioned, “Now that I’ve made it to happiness, can’t I just go on vacation? Go have some fun? Why do I have to tell everyone this story? Why do I have to be naked and vulnerable?”

It was my little “i” talking, my ego self. That little voice that believes we are all separate and alone, that is concerned it is somehow bad and doesn’t want anyone to find out. So I asked my soul daughter, Shana, these questions my little “i” had asked me. And she gave me permission to not publish my story, but then she said something that reminded me I’m part of something larger than myself. My life is part of a bigger plan. She said “But then your story wouldn’t help anyone else to heal.”

So trembling with excitement (which also feels a lot like fear), I clicked Publish.

I hope my story helps those who are seeking a path out of the darkness.

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